Happy alone sounds like a contradiction in terms to you? But it is not! Here’s how to learn.
When we are little, we live with our parents, as schoolchildren, we sit with others in a class and as adults, many people look for a partner with whom they in turn start a family. As humans, are we even able to be happy on our own? Short and painless: Yes, we are! But we may have to learn it first.
Being happy alone: why is it so difficult?
One of the essential characteristics of us humans is our social sense (you can find out more about this in our article ” What is the human being? “). To him we owe, among other things, that we use to communicate highly complex systems (languages) and usually have around 80 years of life are available, rather than the 30 empathy, a need for closeness, feedback and society, longing for love – to Such qualities and feelings we all notice that we are social beings.
There are also observations from research that show how strong our urge for human contact and connections is: In an experiment at the University of Virginia, for example, every second test person preferred to be electrocuted than to be alone with their thoughts for a quarter of an hour.
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If that alone so difficult, can take comfort: So you’re not alone!
Be happy alone: what for?
But, as multi-layered as we humans are, our need for society and social connection is of course not the only thing that defines us: In each of us there is also an individualist who wants to realize himself, who feels independent and free and has to set himself apart , to be happy. If we were constantly among people and never alone, this side of our personality would be much neglected. In this respect, phases of being alone are good and important for us – because only those who can be happy on their own can generally be happy.
Be happy alone: alone versus lonely
One of the reasons why being alone scares some people and is negatively charged in their imagination is that they mistake it for loneliness or equate it. However, loneliness is a feeling and being alone is just a condition – and it is important to distinguish between them. Even in a room full of people, we can feel lonely even though we are not alone. The other way around, we don’t have to feel lonely when we are isolated from others.
How we perceive a situation is decisive for what we feel. Loneliness arises in us when we think we are cut off, dispensable and out of place . Since we do not get any feedback from other people when we are alone and therefore lack confirmation from outside, the state of being alone can favor such an impression – but only if we do not believe in ourselves enough and we believe in self-love and self-confidence lacks.
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4 benefits of people who can be happy on their own
Admittedly, being surrounded by people is nice, especially when they are people with whom we are on the same wavelength. However, society also has its disadvantages – and being alone has its advantages!
1. Alone promotes creativity
Those who are alone and on their own have to develop their own ideas and solutions – and a particularly creativity-boosting duo is called: Alone + Boredom!
2. Being able to be alone protects against loneliness
It may sound like a paradox, but: if you can be happy on your own, you will never suffer from loneliness – not even in a group of people with whom he or she has nothing in common. Being yourself enough protects you from excruciating feelings of loneliness, so practicing being alone is a great way to overcome loneliness .
3. Alone brings us into contact with ourselves
When we are alone, nothing and no one stands between our needs and the decisions and actions we derive from them. No being responsible for others, no comparing and competing with others – we can concentrate fully on ourselves alone. Therefore, being alone is an important element in self-discovery and is often necessary if we want to learn to understand our feelings .
4. Alone builds confidence and independence
If you can manage on your own, you will usually experience: Wow, that works great! Of course, this strengthens our self-confidence and our independence – and rightly so!
Being happy alone: this is how you can learn
A crucial starting point for learning to be happy alone is our perception – both our self-perception and our perception of the situation of being alone. The following tips can help develop a positive attitude towards being alone.
6 tips to make being alone happy
1. Decide to be alone
We are all little control freaks. Therefore, it is easier for us to get involved with something that we have chosen for ourselves. Even if you are possibly “involuntarily” alone, you should therefore try to see the situation as chosen by you. Maybe it was your subconscious that controlled your life in such a way that you are now alone? Maybe that’s exactly what you need right now? Every moment in our life offers us the chance to make something positive out of it or to see something in it – even and especially when we spend it alone!
2. Realize the benefits of being alone
You don’t have to follow anyone, you can decide for yourself how you spend your time, and you don’t have to argue with anyone or let yourself be sniffed at – oh, how nice!
3. Deal with yourself
What are you proud of What are you grateful for What is your lifelong dream ? What makes you happy? You don’t need any external feedback when you know who you are and what you are worth. The best thing to do is to get yourself a diary in which you write something regularly – then you will immediately have tangible evidence that you are there and that you are developing further.
4. Do something nice on your own
Whether going to the cinema, having a delicious meal or vacationing by the sea – you can do just as many great things on your own as in company. Positive experiences help you learn to love being alone.
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5. Take on a challenge
Overcoming fears , changing habits or even changing the stupid lightbulb in the bathroom yourself – find a project that you can manage on your own. This strengthens your self-confidence and shows you that you can do a lot on your own.
6. Accept loneliness as part of being human
Even though we are social beings and even when we are in company: A little bit of loneliness will always remain. The reason for this is: What we feel and perceive is individual . Nobody knows or can understand exactly what sadness or happiness means to you. Sound depressing? But it is not! After all, it’s something that connects us all – and makes each and every one of us indispensable.
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